Faking It: The most hilarious and laugh out loud page turner you’ll read this year! by Rebecca Smith

Author:Rebecca Smith [Smith, Rebecca]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780008370183
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2020-08-06T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Eighteen

‘What have you done to your hair?’ Scarlet stares at me as I stumble into the kitchen. My carefree sensuality lasted for all of two minutes before I remembered that there was no food in the house and that unless I wanted the kids to starve to death while I was out tonight then I was going to have to visit the supermarket. I did attempt to maintain some element of sexy but it’s surprisingly tricky to slink when pushing a shopping trolley with a wonky wheel. Plus, I spent at least five minutes lurking around the book section, waiting to see if anyone was going to pick up More Than Sex and slinking is not necessarily synonymous with discreet behavior.

‘Do you like it?’ I ask, dumping the bags on the kitchen counter and looking at her apprehensively. I am feeling surprisingly vulnerable and I’m not sure that I can handle teenage brutality right now.

Scarlet wrinkles up her nose and walks around me, scrutinising my new look from every angle. I hold my breath and tell myself that I do not need her approval to validate myself.

‘I love it,’ she declares once she’s completed her circuit. ‘It’s actually very empowering that you’ve decided to embrace the grey, Mum. I reckon if I inherit your genetics then I’m not going to bother dying it. You’re totally on-trend.’

‘It’s silver, not grey,’ I correct, but in my head I am whooping with joy.

Oh. My. God. Not only am I a sex vixen, I’m also an inspiration to the younger generation. I’ll probably get asked to contribute to one of those thought-provoking books where powerful women write letters to their daughters or their sixteen-year-old selves. My letter will touch on the importance of self-belief and refusal to conform to societal expectations and also a word of advice about not waiting until you are in the fifth decade of life to embrace your true identity.

I am lost in the depths of my own self-awareness when Benji barrels into the room and screeches to a halt in front of me.

‘It is you!’ he says triumphantly. ‘I knew it!’

‘You’re a genius,’ deadpans Scarlet, walking across to the fridge. ‘I am truly blessed to have such an Einstein for a brother.

‘I was looking out of my window, seeing if I could spot any suspicious goings-on,’ Benji continues, ignoring Scarlet. He’s been obsessed with suspicious goings-on ever since he saw an old episode of Sherlock. To begin with I encouraged him, mostly because I thought him doing anything that used his brain could only be a good thing but I’ve got to be honest, it’s wearing pretty thin now. The last thing I need is yet another skeptical, questioning child in this house, not when I’m attempting to conceal an entire identity from my offspring. And I’m seriously regretting buying him that ridiculous deerstalker hat.

‘Anyway,’ Benji says loudly, ‘then I saw a woman walking down our garden path. At first I thought that it was Granny because the woman had exactly the same hair as Granny but then I looked again.

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